Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize