Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
