can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
