Pants 0. Shit 1.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize