My friends, they love my intelligence
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
