On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
My vagina just recognized that song.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
