her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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