It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize