I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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