Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
