Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
