my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
