Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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