Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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