he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
