I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
