if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
