did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
