UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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