I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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