remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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