i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
