Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
