Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize