I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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