No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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