I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
