ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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