oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
