I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
