last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
