Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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