dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
