Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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