i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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