Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
