Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize