hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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