The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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