Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
