I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
