were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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