Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
