I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
