we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
