How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Randomize
