there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
