so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
