My room smells like vodka and shame
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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