Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
