I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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