If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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