I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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