Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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