He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
