Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
