he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
