It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
