put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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