omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
