OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
