we have officially lost it.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I have feelings that need drinking.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
