It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
