The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
