sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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