I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
