dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
